Pt 1 – Don’t Forget to Pack Your Anxiety

December 24^th-25^th, 2015

It was Christmas Eve. The time when small children are anticipating the chubby guy in the red suit to come barreling down the chimney bearing gifts. It’s the ‘beginning of the end’ to a month full of both stressful and exciting festivities for the adults. My husband and I on the other hand, we were waking up in our hotel room experiencing a different kind of anxiety. We were going on a late honeymoon abroad!

We packed up and got checked out of the hotel right outside of Dulles International Airport, which we were kindly treated with by my in-laws to save us the hassle of driving through the night. One thing I learned about airport hotels is that they’re really noisy! Everybody’s on a different schedule. Different people coming and going; not to mention the increase in the masses for the holiday season. Showers and toilets were audible throughout all hours of the night; a noisy toddler was babbling in a nearby room; constant foot traffic in the hallway. It wasn’t a big deal though. I wasn’t expecting to get much sleep anyway. I even tried indulging in an “edible” which ended up doing the polar opposite of calming down my pre-trip anxieties. Trevor’s brainwaves remained un-altered, so we both assumed there was a shift in potency as the chocolate melted in my favor. Lucky me.

We waited out front of the hotel for the shuttle with several other couples and families huddled together trying to keep warm. The brisk air was actually helping me unwind a bit, which was nice since my nerves were completely shot. The shuttle arrived and we all crammed onboard. With everyone carrying 10+ bags of luggage per person, it got crowded very quickly. Everyone aside from us, was incredibly grumpy. You gotta love this time of year.

We waited in line to check in with Emirates Air and an airline employee was walking around the line asking if anyone was willing to either take a later flight that would include certain benefits, or if anyone wanted to upgrade to business class for a fee. Trevor asked how much the upgrade would cost, and the guy told us that it was $1,000… per person. Yep, no thanks! We proceeded through security unscathed, then took the tram to Gate A, followed by an overpriced breakfast sandwich to eat as we waited for our flight.

As our flight was preparing to board, we heard our names being called over the intercom. Confused, we walked up to the front desk, and handed them our boarding passes. Trevor and I saw them discard our tickets as they prepared our new ones. We prepared ourselves to be booted to “Roach Class” by the toilet or somewhere else inconvenient. I asked them how nice the seating arrangement was. The guy replied, “It depends what your definition of ‘nice’ is.” I was apprehensive. We were totally going to be sitting next to the toilets. He handed us our new tickets and told us to enjoy our flight. Trevor and I looked at the ticket, and then we looked at each other in complete shock. We just got bumped up to business class… for free! Hey-oh! Neither of us had ever been in business class before. Ever!

We boarded the plane and probably annoyed the living piss out of the other people around us in business class. We were like kids in a candy store! We got in our luxury seats and proceeded to press ever button and pull every lever, playing with all the gadgets in front of us. One button pulled the blinds up and down on the window, another made us giggle when it brought up a privacy wall between us. I had my own TV screen that popped out of the wall bordering us. Our seats would lay flat at the push of a button which was awesome given my inability to sleep sitting upright. I’m serious. When it comes to sleeping, my body acts up like a diva receiving a bowl full of red M&M’s when it asked for blue.

We watched the plane cameras as the plane took off; there was one pointing below the plane and another angle from the front. I was happy that I could relax on such a long ass flight. The flight attendant came around and handed us hot towels. Call me white trash, but I had no clue what this was for. Do I blot my face with it? Do I wipe my hands with it? Do I wear it as a hat? I need answers. These are the questions that keep me up late at night.

We explored our music collection as we were handed gift bags (one for him and one for her), full of lotions, perfume/cologne, razors and other things that I would carry with me the whole trip, and never use. We would be hiking the Appalachian Trail 10 days after returning home, so we were excited to see “A Walk in the Woods” available under the movies selection. We watched it together, nap time followed, then we stared at the flight cameras to catch a view of the city lights as we passed over Ireland. Food, more movies, and naps followed as we flew over Turkey, and I played some tunes as we flew over Iran. We had a hefty breakfast that neither of us could finish, played with the buttons some more, and then we prepared ourselves for landing at Dubai International Airport.

Jump Ahead to Part 2: Cologne Overkill, ‘Man Buns’ & Christmas in Kathmandu